Monday, May 16th, 2011
“My name is Alycea. I am five-years-old and I go to elementary school. I like school because we learn about math and can dance during music time. We also learn about stuff in the world. Did you know that there were earthquakes in Haiti and Japan?
“I have never been to an earthquake before, but I learned that they happen when the earth breaks apart and things start shaking. We also learned about the tornadoes in Alabama. I have never been to a tornado either. I guess that all of those things happen far away from Washington.
“That’s good because it would make the children here scared. Did you know that we have lots of buildings in Washington? One of those buildings is my home and one is your home. The president also lives here with some other famous people. If those buildings fell down, we would all be in big trouble. That’s why I don’t want to go to Haiti or Japan. I just want to go to my grandma’s house and cook pizza and cake. Those are my favorite foods.
“I want to tell all of the kids in Washington not to worry about tornadoes and earthquakes because if they come here, I will punch them in the face. I will punch them and then step on them so they won’t knock our buildings down.”
“Now can I ask you some questions? Have you ever seen an orangutan eat his own poop at the zoo? Have you ever had a baby in your stomach? Have you ever put cake on your pizza?”